i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
