shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
