I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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