If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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