she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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