last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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