you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How does it feel to date your dad?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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