ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
