We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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