I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize