her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
