you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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