he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
