don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
