Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
