I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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