Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
