You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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