please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
