Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
