need another drink. this is the easiest way
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
