Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My life is pants optional.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
