white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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