Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
