I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
