Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
