I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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