At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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