is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
