Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
