I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
