nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
