I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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