and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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