You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
