Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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