I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
