there's paper in my vomit.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
