Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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