I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
