a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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