Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
