yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
