They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
