Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
