My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
