Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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