yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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