Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
