we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Randomize
