My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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