i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
