Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
