my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
