There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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