I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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