I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
