Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
