OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
