sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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