my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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