Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
