Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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