it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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