He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
