Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
