If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
