I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I want a musical about memes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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