3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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