I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
