So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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