So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
