I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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