Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it because I queefed?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
