he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
