you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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