A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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