I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
