Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Drunk is a universal language darling
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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