I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
