guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
