i jhust puked up my retainher.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
