Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
