I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
