Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
