I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
