therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
