When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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