Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
