her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
