Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
