There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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