Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
