if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
