It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
