No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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