I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we're so committed to being not committed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
