Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
