Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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