you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
