I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
