UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
