I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think my tv is drunk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
