I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
