I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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