my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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