She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I didn't notice because vodka
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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