you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
