alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize