Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
